Be Careful What You Ask Your Guardian Angel For

I’ve recently had a harder-than-usual time getting up early for the Liturgy of the Hours at church followed by morning Mass. (Which is saying something because I’m not an early-morning person even at the best of times.)

Since Lent is approaching—which always makes me want to do better in every aspect of my life—the other day I asked my Guardian Angel to help me get out of bed. I might have foolishly added, “by any means necessary.”

So this morning, after he unsuccessfully tried poking me, resulting in me mumbling, “No, not yet,” and turning onto the other side, he put a stinkbug in my bed.

I didn’t realize it until I rolled onto it and a horrible, cloying stench started spreading across the sheets and down comforter I was wrapped in. Then I felt a telltale tickle on my arm and shot out of bed, screaming. It took all of 20 seconds for me to kill the bug, strip the bed, and jump into the shower to feverishly scrub off the stink.

Now, my entire neighborhood has had a stinkbug infestation in the last couple of years. These critters—who look vaguely disgusting and unfortunately can fly—crawl through any nooks and crannies into homes to hibernate. Sensing the warming temperatures, they’ve become active again in the last few weeks, trying to make it outside for mating. But so far, I’ve always noticed them in time. This close-up and personal stench bomb was a first.

Needless to say, I did make it to Mass just in time. My dear Guardian Angel, you do have a wicked sense of humor, I have to give you that. But please keep the bugs out of my bed. Amen.

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