Leaps of faith are kind of a two-way street: You prove that you trust God, and in return He proves that He trusts you. If you are brave enough to throw yourself at His mercy, His response will often be nothing short of miraculous.
I’ve done this many times before. In 2022, I left Vermont after 20 years and moved to Steubenville, Ohio, a place where I knew absolutely nobody. And in November 2023, as you may have read, I quit my job of 20 years to embark on new adventures.
One thing I learned, though, is that spontaneous spurts of courage are much easier than sustained bravery. After about two months of blessed R&R but virtually no income, I started fretting about my financial future. So God sent me a job that seemed tailor made for me.
I’d seen the job posting online: copywriter at one of the most prestigious Catholic institutes in the country… and it was local! I had ignored it because it didn’t seem right for me, but the Holy Spirit kept poking me to apply, so I reluctantly did.
Therefore do not be anxious, saying, ‘What shall we eat?’ or ‘What shall we drink?’ or ‘What shall we wear?’ For the Gentiles seek after all these things, and your heavenly Father knows that you need them all. (Matthew 6:31–32)
You see, VatiGod* and I play the “Thy Will Be Done” game—also called “Do whatever He tells you”—but it’s not always easy. In fact, it almost never is. I pray a lot for discernment and that my spiritual ears may be increasingly better tuned to the still, small voice of the Holy Spirit that can be so easily drowned out by fear and wishful thinking.
Of course, it’s not just about the listening… the main part is the doing. What He wants me to do usually falls under varying levels of scary—from “Get over yourself and talk to that stranger” to “Close your eyes and jump out of that plane.” My friends think I have a special gift. I think it’s just that He knows I’ll do as I’m told (mostly).
But I digress. Of course, right after I applied for the copywriting job, things started to fall into place, as they always do when God puts His full weight behind them. The very next day, they called to set up an interview. The interview went well, and only two hours later, I was called and asked to do a writing exercise and a second interview. Just boom, boom, boom, one thing after another. Unfortunately, the whole time, everything inside me screamed that this wasn’t a good fit for me.
But could I say no to VatiGod? Was it wise to say no? What if this was my final chance to get a decent-paying job around here? Could I afford to turn it down? What if this job led to something else that I couldn’t even imagine right now? What if it was the spring board to something even greater? Then again, what about my caregiving job? Was I supposed to just give it up and dump my elderly clients I’d grown so fond of? And what about the freelance proofreading shifts I’d already committed to for March?
For two weeks, I agonized over the decision. I desperately prayed for a distinct yay or nay, but I got mixed messages. I said, “Okay, Lord, if you want me to stay with caregiving, give me some really pleasant shifts”… and I got them. I said, “If you’ll sustain me outside of this job, give me a sign”… and my CPA told me I’d get a sizable tax refund. The result was that I got more and more confused.
And then, right before my final interview, I got my answer. In Adoration, the Holy Spirit said, “There is no right or wrong here. It’s simply a choice who you want to be.”
It was like a beam of sunlight breaking through the fog. I suddenly realized it was a choice I’d made many times before: financial security but no freedom, or total freedom but no financial security. High prestige and high pressure, or a low-key job and inner peace. A yes to the former would be out of fear, a yes to the latter out of love. An easy decision if you put it like that.
I turned down the copywriting job. As I stepped out of the institute, there was a sudden downpour of rain, thunder and lightning.
“Oh no, VatiGod,” I said, wagging my finger at Him. “This better not be your commentary on my decision. You told me it’s a free choice; you don’t get to be mad at me now.”
And then things just started happening—God showing me His love:
I had the most productive day working at home in a long time.
In quick succession, I was offered several additional proofreading shifts.
At Mass, Jesus asked me to tell a stranger in my pew that He loved him. I did, and the man said, “Thank you; I really needed that.”
Father D. told me about an opening for an editorial writer at another institute in town, which floored me. Two writing jobs opening up in two weeks!
And today, after I had to cancel two caregiving shifts due to the sniffles, I got two Airbnb bookings that will more than make up for the lost wages.
Trust in the Lord, for He is good.
Psalm 91
Assurance of God’s Protection
You who live in the shelter of the Most High,
who abide in the shadow of the Almighty,
will say to the Lord, “My refuge and my fortress;
my God, in whom I trust.”For he will deliver you from the snare of the fowler
and from the deadly pestilence;
he will cover you with his pinions,
and under his wings you will find refuge;
his faithfulness is a shield and buckler.
You will not fear the terror of the night,
or the arrow that flies by day,
or the pestilence that stalks in darkness,
or the destruction that wastes at noonday.A thousand may fall at your side,
ten thousand at your right hand,
but it will not come near you.
You will only look with your eyes
and see the punishment of the wicked.Because you have made the Lord your refuge,
the Most High your dwelling place,
no evil shall befall you,
no scourge come near your tent.For he will command his angels concerning you
to guard you in all your ways.
On their hands they will bear you up,
so that you will not dash your foot against a stone.
You will tread on the lion and the adder,
the young lion and the serpent you will trample under foot.Those who love me, I will deliver;
I will protect those who know my name.
When they call to me, I will answer them;
I will be with them in trouble,
I will rescue them and honor them.
With long life I will satisfy them,
and show them my salvation.
* My personal term of endearment for God the Father (“Vati”—pronounced “fuh-tee”—means Daddy in German).
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Leaps of faith are just that. I left Vermont after 30 years. I know I was brought there back then, but I also know I was meant to leave when I did.