On Helping the Homeless

Charity can be a real conundrum...

In response to my last post, where I said I missed out on giving a homeless man a dollar and maybe having a friendly word with him, my friend V. pointed out in a comment how helping the homeless can backfire.

In a nutshell, she described her experience of seeing promise in a homeless man and helping him with a considerable amount of money. She even went shopping and bought new clothes for him so he could have a fresh start… and then, to her great disappointment, he squandered all the money, and nothing changed. Except for her being angry, disillusioned, and determined to never again be manipulated like that.

I bet many of us have a similar story to tell. I once gave $100 to a homeless guy with a dog who said he needed to catch a train to the next town to get a job. Unlike V., I didn’t witness what he actually did with the money, but in hindsight, I’m pretty sure he did not use it to “get back on his feet,” as he told me.

Also, for the longest time I tried to help our local “homeless Catholic,” a woman I felt a kinship with because she happened to be German like me. She also seemed to be very much “all there,” not mentally ill and not a drug addict like so many of the other homeless people. We even had things in common, like our interest in health food and homesteading (though I discovered that my interest in the latter is mostly theoretical, just like hers).

I took her out for dinner, I gave her rides, and I let her shower and do laundry at my house (which I still occasionally do). For a while, I even considered taking her in, but thankfully I abstained from that in the end.

I had long discussions with her about how she could get back on her feet. I suggested ways she could help herself and jobs she could take. She always had one or another good reason why she couldn’t have a regular job—no work permit, too much debt, and any number of unsurmountable obstacles. Instead, she regaled me with tall tales about the amazing “business opportunities” she was working up to, which would allow her “to make money hand over fist.”

At first, I even believed her, but when she told me she was about to single-handedly “run a clinical trial” for a new pharmaceutical drug (a field I happen to know quite a bit about), I realized that all of it was just her way to obfuscate the fact that she didn’t want to work for a living. I even know people in town who tried to set her up with a live-in work situation, but she’s either turned down or blown every opportunity she’s been offered. I finally started realizing the scope of her problems when I asked why she stayed in the vestibule of the church during Mass and she replied, “Because I have to pace. I just can’t sit still for that long.”

Just like with V.’s homeless man, in the end I had to concede that there was nothing I could do for her, other than being a friend and helping her out with little things here and there.

It’s no coincidence that Jesus asked the ill man at the pool of Bethesda, “Do you want to be healed?” (John 5:1–9)

I mean, duh, the guy had been lying at this pool with the (supposedly) miraculous healing water for 38 years, desperately trying to crawl into the waters when they bubbled—which apparently was the sign that healing took place—and never making it because others were always faster than him.

You’d say, “Well, of course he wanted to be healed! Isn’t that obvious?”

Is it, though?

In Mark 10:51, when the blind man walks up to him, Jesus asks, “What do you want me to do for you?”

He doesn’t go, “Ah, I see what you need. Here’s your sight back.” He makes the blind man say it. Why?

In Matthew 7:7, Jesus says, “Ask, and it will be given you; seek, and you will find; knock, and it will be opened to you.”

He makes it clear that God is ready to give us what we desire—but we have to ask for it first.

Why? Why doesn’t He just heal the blind, lame, infirm, destitute, and oppressed?

I believe this is where free will comes in—that precious gift our Maker gave us so we could freely choose Him and return His fierce love for us… or turn our back on Him and spit at His gifts.

And how often was He disappointed. Right after reading V.’s comment, I did my Morning Prayer (Liturgy of the Hours), and today’s reading was Ezekiel 37:12b–14:

Thus says the Lord God: O my people, I will open your graves and have you rise from them, and bring you back to the land of Israel. Then you shall know that I am the Lord, when I open your graves and have you rise from them. O my people! I will put my spirit in you that you may live, and I will settle you upon your land; thus you shall know that I am the Lord. I have promised, and I will do it, says the Lord.

It reminded me how faithful God was to the Israelites, the people He had a covenant of mutual love and trust with, and how little He got in return. He always kept His promises whereas they betrayed and thwarted and rejected Him at every turn. And yet He kept going because He is Love and Goodness itself.

Jim Caviezel, who played Jesus in The Passion of the Christ and almost died during the making of the movie, said, “When I was up on that cross, God spoke to me. He said, ‘My creatures don’t love me. There are very few.’”

This prompted Caviezel to promise God that he would love Him and spread His Gospel throughout the world. I had the same reaction. When I heard the sadness in VatiGod’s words to the actor, I cried so hard… and then I promised Him that I would love Him, and that I would show Him my love as much as I possibly could.

But I digress; back to helping the homeless. I think herein lies the answer to our conundrum: We should help those who want to be helped. But they will have to take the first step. The others… well, we can (and should) love them and be kind to them, and pray for them that God may give them the grace to WANT to be healed.

There are still things you can do: If you don’t want to hand them money, buy them some food or a cheap coat from Goodwill, or whatever they need. Even if they are drug addicts, swindlers, and manipulators, they are also human beings. And every human being deserves to eat and be warm. Just lower your expectations; don’t expect a great deal of gratitude or some kind of magical transformation. Only Jesus can do that.

Plus, I think that unconditional charity does have a place in our lives. Once, my son talked to a young homeless woman who gave him the same spiel: gotta catch a bus somewhere to do something to get better, blah-blah-blah.

He said to me, “Mom, I have $20. I really want to give her that money. Do you think I should?”

I said, “That’s up to you, but be aware that no matter what she told you, she’s probably going to use it on drugs or booze.”

He thought for a moment and said, “I don’t care. I want to give her the money anyway.” And he did.

In that moment, I could feel VatiGod smile on him… and I realized that our unconditional loving and giving is really more about us than it is about the person who receives it. It sanctifies us, it gets us closer to God, it pleases our Heavenly Father. And that’s really all that matters.

Remember: You have an audience of One.

God bless you!