When I learned that detraction has a name, and that it is a sin (which I understood immediately and agreed with, when it was spelled out to me what exactly it really was that *I* had long been doing under the guise of "feeling better after talking it over with supportive friends", and how much I dislike having it done to me) I had to amend my life some more.
Loved your post today and like you, I have a few (good) friends who genuinely appreciate me for who I am and my blunt and often tactless honesty. You know what? That’s ok. These days everyone claims to want honesty then they get offended when you tell them the truth. I’d rather be honest though, because those walk on eggshell easily offended people can then self filter out of my life. I’ve reached a point where I don’t need more friends and am content with having a few good ones. Plus at 40 (just turned on the ides of March for those who like history, and I’m not embarrassed to admit my age, since getting old is a privilege denied to many), my tolerance and patience for nonsense is to the left of zero. And there’s plenty of ABSOLUTE nonsense to go around these days (as our colleague Denise just pointed out).
** for Denise: in the words of Father Mike Schmitz on YouTube (I think it was on the tranny ideology), “when perception and reality don’t line up, its perception that needs to change, not reality”. Maybe use this logic next time, although arguing with certain people is almost like arguing with the wall. Have faith though!
As far as a loose tongue, is there any way to get clarification from your director? One thing is gossiping to anyone and everyone who will listen, thereby breaking the “thou shall not kill” commandment (killing their character, etc). Something else is to vent to a therapist off in my case, my hubby.
I mean, as humans, keeping things bottled up is not healthy either. And sometimes when I “vent”, hubby, who has a more analytical mind than me, can offer perspectives I had t thought of, leading to deeper discussions and sometimes me realizing I may have been wrong or made too much of a small incident. Balance is key as well as the intention. If your intention is to antagonize everyone against the person who wronged you that’s one thing. To let out your frustrations (because life is frustrating) to a close friend or confidant, is another.
As far as cussing, you ain’t got nothing on me, you cussed like a sailor and my cussing would make a sailor blush 😉 I’ve never said the Lord’s name in vain though (at most I’ll say good lord, not sure if that counts?) , and hearing it from others makes me cringe. God’s last name is not dammit and Jesus Christ’s middle name is not effing. Same as you though, I’m working on cleaning up my mouth, although my Italian side also cringes hearing someone say something childish and stupid like “fudge” instead of the actual word. Might as well not say anything, and not saying anything is bottling it up, which raises my blood pressure. Italians have extremely short tempers and even shorter fuses unfortunately. And like I mentioned earlier, add to that my less than zero tolerance for male bovine manure, and I’m a 🧨 .
We are a work in progress though Ms. Shannara, I think once one realizes their shortcomings, one can make a better attempt at correcting. It’s when the conscience isn’t developed enough yet that there’s a problem.
One more thing, like I mentioned on honesty with people claiming to want it yet then getting offended, I now give a heads up. When I’m asked a question, and to lighten the mood, I ask them “do you want honesty or the Ms. America answer?”
It usually makes all the difference to be as blunt as I am but preceding it with a joke so people can just chill and know that blunt honesty is not meant as a direct attack on them. The fact that I have to indirectly point that out though is ridiculous but here we are in the 21st century….
We're indeed works in progress, Valery! :) But, as we Germans say, "Einsicht ist der erste Schritt zur Besserung" (Insight is the first step to improvement). LOL
Love "Do you want honesty or the Miss America answer?" I usually say, "Do you want me to be nice or do you want me to be honest?" :)
Today your letter really hit home! I wrestled this morning wether to go to Communion, because last night I got angry and swore many times. I refrained from taking the Lord’s name in vain, but I was pretty vulgar. It was a discussion involving objective reality v perception, and I get so frustrated when people just cannot see the difference.
Well, in church today Jesus showed me—a very clear picture of myself, and it was worth a thousand words. On Good Shepherd Sunday, I saw myself as a sheep who was bitten by a ked ( a sheep louse). Rather than deal with it rationally, the stupid sheep started bleating obnoxiously, and spraying its manure all around as it bit at the ked and whirled in frantic circles.
That was me, and how I must have looked to the rest of the flock and my Shepherd. Shame on me! I did receive Communion, and I will confess this week. But I really felt that God revealed this to me because He knows me personally—I was a dairy goat farmer and I have a very juvenile sense of humor, so He literally drew me a picture I would “get”. It was not flattering!
Thank you for always stressing the personal nature of our relationship with our Father! Sometimes I think I speak to him with too much familiarity and not enough fear and reverence, but I trust he will guide me. I am a Catholic revert and have much to learn.
When I learned that detraction has a name, and that it is a sin (which I understood immediately and agreed with, when it was spelled out to me what exactly it really was that *I* had long been doing under the guise of "feeling better after talking it over with supportive friends", and how much I dislike having it done to me) I had to amend my life some more.
Hi again!
Loved your post today and like you, I have a few (good) friends who genuinely appreciate me for who I am and my blunt and often tactless honesty. You know what? That’s ok. These days everyone claims to want honesty then they get offended when you tell them the truth. I’d rather be honest though, because those walk on eggshell easily offended people can then self filter out of my life. I’ve reached a point where I don’t need more friends and am content with having a few good ones. Plus at 40 (just turned on the ides of March for those who like history, and I’m not embarrassed to admit my age, since getting old is a privilege denied to many), my tolerance and patience for nonsense is to the left of zero. And there’s plenty of ABSOLUTE nonsense to go around these days (as our colleague Denise just pointed out).
** for Denise: in the words of Father Mike Schmitz on YouTube (I think it was on the tranny ideology), “when perception and reality don’t line up, its perception that needs to change, not reality”. Maybe use this logic next time, although arguing with certain people is almost like arguing with the wall. Have faith though!
As far as a loose tongue, is there any way to get clarification from your director? One thing is gossiping to anyone and everyone who will listen, thereby breaking the “thou shall not kill” commandment (killing their character, etc). Something else is to vent to a therapist off in my case, my hubby.
I mean, as humans, keeping things bottled up is not healthy either. And sometimes when I “vent”, hubby, who has a more analytical mind than me, can offer perspectives I had t thought of, leading to deeper discussions and sometimes me realizing I may have been wrong or made too much of a small incident. Balance is key as well as the intention. If your intention is to antagonize everyone against the person who wronged you that’s one thing. To let out your frustrations (because life is frustrating) to a close friend or confidant, is another.
As far as cussing, you ain’t got nothing on me, you cussed like a sailor and my cussing would make a sailor blush 😉 I’ve never said the Lord’s name in vain though (at most I’ll say good lord, not sure if that counts?) , and hearing it from others makes me cringe. God’s last name is not dammit and Jesus Christ’s middle name is not effing. Same as you though, I’m working on cleaning up my mouth, although my Italian side also cringes hearing someone say something childish and stupid like “fudge” instead of the actual word. Might as well not say anything, and not saying anything is bottling it up, which raises my blood pressure. Italians have extremely short tempers and even shorter fuses unfortunately. And like I mentioned earlier, add to that my less than zero tolerance for male bovine manure, and I’m a 🧨 .
We are a work in progress though Ms. Shannara, I think once one realizes their shortcomings, one can make a better attempt at correcting. It’s when the conscience isn’t developed enough yet that there’s a problem.
Thank you again for posting!
One more thing, like I mentioned on honesty with people claiming to want it yet then getting offended, I now give a heads up. When I’m asked a question, and to lighten the mood, I ask them “do you want honesty or the Ms. America answer?”
It usually makes all the difference to be as blunt as I am but preceding it with a joke so people can just chill and know that blunt honesty is not meant as a direct attack on them. The fact that I have to indirectly point that out though is ridiculous but here we are in the 21st century….
We're indeed works in progress, Valery! :) But, as we Germans say, "Einsicht ist der erste Schritt zur Besserung" (Insight is the first step to improvement). LOL
Love "Do you want honesty or the Miss America answer?" I usually say, "Do you want me to be nice or do you want me to be honest?" :)
Dear Shanara,
Today your letter really hit home! I wrestled this morning wether to go to Communion, because last night I got angry and swore many times. I refrained from taking the Lord’s name in vain, but I was pretty vulgar. It was a discussion involving objective reality v perception, and I get so frustrated when people just cannot see the difference.
Well, in church today Jesus showed me—a very clear picture of myself, and it was worth a thousand words. On Good Shepherd Sunday, I saw myself as a sheep who was bitten by a ked ( a sheep louse). Rather than deal with it rationally, the stupid sheep started bleating obnoxiously, and spraying its manure all around as it bit at the ked and whirled in frantic circles.
That was me, and how I must have looked to the rest of the flock and my Shepherd. Shame on me! I did receive Communion, and I will confess this week. But I really felt that God revealed this to me because He knows me personally—I was a dairy goat farmer and I have a very juvenile sense of humor, so He literally drew me a picture I would “get”. It was not flattering!
Thank you for always stressing the personal nature of our relationship with our Father! Sometimes I think I speak to him with too much familiarity and not enough fear and reverence, but I trust he will guide me. I am a Catholic revert and have much to learn.
God bless you! ❤️
Great comment, Denise! Had to chuckle at the image of the sheep with lice "bleating obnoxiously." :D It's a great analogy.