Honesty and integrity have always been the most important virtues to me. Mama hammered it into me early on: Do not steal, do not lie.
One summer, when I was five or six, I heard the ice cream truck arrive on our street (isn’t that melody the best song ever?), so I started frantically looking for Mama to ask her for some coins to buy a cone. I couldn’t find her, but she’d never said no before, so I figured it’d be okay to get her wallet out of the kitchen drawer and help myself to the money. As a result, I received one of the worst spankings I remember.
The lesson was so profound that over time, I even became a little OCD about it. In stores, I started feeling self-conscious: Did the storekeeper think I was going to steal something? Which then made me hunch my shoulders and glance around furtively—in a word, behave like I’d really stolen something. For a while, I avoided stores altogether because of this.
Once, I spaced out and accidentally walked out of a store holding a pencil I’d been looking at. Realizing what I’d done, I was absolutely mortified. I walked right back in and, crying hysterically, handed the pencil to the flabbergasted store clerk, fully expecting to be arrested and thrown into jail for the rest of my life.
I was reminded of this when I heard this short clip by Catholic priest and exorcist Fr. Dan Reehil (starts at 4:48).
He tells the story of a seven-year-old boy, a “pee wee baseball” player, who was written about in a July 1989 Sports Illustrated column for his amazing honesty.
He was a first-baseman. His name was Tanner Munsey. And he fielded a ground ball and tried to tag a runner going from first base to second base. And the umpire called the runner out, but little Tanner immediately ran to the umpire’s side—and it was a woman—and said, “Ma’am, I didn’t tag the runner.” So the umpire reversed the call and sent the runner to second base. And Tanner’s coach gave him the game ball for his honesty.
Two weeks later, the same umpire is umping the game, and Tanner is playing shortstop. And a similar thing happened: This time, the umpire ruled that Tanner had missed the tag on a runner going to third base, and she called the runner safe. And Tanner looked at the umpire, and without saying a word, he tossed the ball to the catcher and returned to his position.
But the umpire sensed that something was wrong, and she said, “Did you tag the runner?” And Tanner said, “Yes.” And then she just declared that the runner was out. And the opposing team’s coaches protested—until she explained what happened two weeks earlier. And she said this: “If a kid is that honest, I have to give it to him. This game is supposed to be for the kids.”
So this is really a remarkable story that that kid had such an inner drive to tell the truth, even when it meant his team was probably gonna take a little hit for it, because they had. […]
So it really points out to us the importance of honesty. I might even say, the fact that that made it into Sports Illustrated magazine, then probably millions of people got to see that story and perhaps reflect on their own truthfulness in their own lives.
Now, in dealing with other people, it’s so critical that we’re honest because every social activity, every human experience requiring people to act together is impeded when people aren’t honest with one another. It kind of destroys the network.
So the honesty that I’m talking about […] it’s not just truth-telling, it’s truth-living. Are you living honesty in your life?
A couple of observations.
First, the fact that the name of the boy stuck in Fr. Reehil’s mind, even all those years later. I bet you nobody knows the names of the runners or even that of the umpire. This is the impact true honesty can have on others.
Second, part of integrity is humility. Note that little Tanner, being unfairly judged the second time around, did not run to the umpire saying, “No, Ma’am, wait, you made a mistake!” Instead, he took the L without a word and only after being prompted, admitted that he did tag the runner.
The Bible, too, puts great weight on honesty and integrity, for example in Colossians 3:9-10:
Do not lie to one another, seeing that you have stripped off the old self with its practice and have clothed yourselves with the new self, which is being renewed in knowledge according to the image of its creator.
Fortunately, VatiGod gives me no opportunity to gloat or feel superior in any way. While I’d probably get an A on honesty, I noticed as I was looking up pertinent Bible verses that nearly everywhere in the Bible, warnings against dishonesty are coupled with warnings against “a loose tongue,” one of my personal challenges.
The Bible verse above is directly preceded by these words:
Put to death, therefore, whatever in you is earthly: fornication, impurity, passion, evil desire, and greed (which is idolatry). On account of these, the wrath of God is coming on those who are disobedient. These are the ways you also once followed, when you were living that life. But now you must get rid of all such things—anger, wrath, malice, slander, and abusive language from your mouth. (Colossians 3:5–8)
I find it incredibly hard not to “vent” when I’m frustrated, and since the source of my frustration is often the (mis)behavior of other people, keeping mum about it makes me feel like I’m going to explode. In case of friends, I usually confront them straight up (which is why I only have a handful of close friends, aka people who can handle this candidness), but when it comes to mere acquaintances, I tend to complain about them rather than to them… a character flaw that I’m still wrestling with.
Another “loose tongue” challenge of mine is my former habit of cursing like a sailor, which used to include taking the Lord’s name in vain. I’ve gotten pretty good at suppressing this impulse, but suppression is not the same as elimination, which becomes obvious every time I spill my coffee on a rug or hit my thumb with a hammer—in a word, events triggering an instant, reflexive reaction that I can’t consciously control.
On the bright side, this can keep us from the sin of pride. Clearly, none of us have reason to feel better than anyone else. What we excel at in one area, we likely lack in another. All we can do is ask God to sand off the splintery stuff and make us smoother over time.
That reminds me, as a perfect wrap, of this sweet little prayer someone posted on Twitter/X:
God bless you!
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When I learned that detraction has a name, and that it is a sin (which I understood immediately and agreed with, when it was spelled out to me what exactly it really was that *I* had long been doing under the guise of "feeling better after talking it over with supportive friends", and how much I dislike having it done to me) I had to amend my life some more.
Hi again!
Loved your post today and like you, I have a few (good) friends who genuinely appreciate me for who I am and my blunt and often tactless honesty. You know what? That’s ok. These days everyone claims to want honesty then they get offended when you tell them the truth. I’d rather be honest though, because those walk on eggshell easily offended people can then self filter out of my life. I’ve reached a point where I don’t need more friends and am content with having a few good ones. Plus at 40 (just turned on the ides of March for those who like history, and I’m not embarrassed to admit my age, since getting old is a privilege denied to many), my tolerance and patience for nonsense is to the left of zero. And there’s plenty of ABSOLUTE nonsense to go around these days (as our colleague Denise just pointed out).
** for Denise: in the words of Father Mike Schmitz on YouTube (I think it was on the tranny ideology), “when perception and reality don’t line up, its perception that needs to change, not reality”. Maybe use this logic next time, although arguing with certain people is almost like arguing with the wall. Have faith though!
As far as a loose tongue, is there any way to get clarification from your director? One thing is gossiping to anyone and everyone who will listen, thereby breaking the “thou shall not kill” commandment (killing their character, etc). Something else is to vent to a therapist off in my case, my hubby.
I mean, as humans, keeping things bottled up is not healthy either. And sometimes when I “vent”, hubby, who has a more analytical mind than me, can offer perspectives I had t thought of, leading to deeper discussions and sometimes me realizing I may have been wrong or made too much of a small incident. Balance is key as well as the intention. If your intention is to antagonize everyone against the person who wronged you that’s one thing. To let out your frustrations (because life is frustrating) to a close friend or confidant, is another.
As far as cussing, you ain’t got nothing on me, you cussed like a sailor and my cussing would make a sailor blush 😉 I’ve never said the Lord’s name in vain though (at most I’ll say good lord, not sure if that counts?) , and hearing it from others makes me cringe. God’s last name is not dammit and Jesus Christ’s middle name is not effing. Same as you though, I’m working on cleaning up my mouth, although my Italian side also cringes hearing someone say something childish and stupid like “fudge” instead of the actual word. Might as well not say anything, and not saying anything is bottling it up, which raises my blood pressure. Italians have extremely short tempers and even shorter fuses unfortunately. And like I mentioned earlier, add to that my less than zero tolerance for male bovine manure, and I’m a 🧨 .
We are a work in progress though Ms. Shannara, I think once one realizes their shortcomings, one can make a better attempt at correcting. It’s when the conscience isn’t developed enough yet that there’s a problem.
Thank you again for posting!